I'm Back - Part One! Why I've been MIA for a few months

Well, it’s been a minute to say the least.

You may or may not have noticed that I’ve been MIA for over a month. I’ve been chewing on what to say in this update for way too long, and I’ve decided it’s time to stop overthinking and just be honest. It’s a long one, so buckle up.

This blog post is more personal. The next will share everything happening behind the scenes at You’ve Got The Love as of the middle of May.

Where to begin! In sum, the past few months have been some of the hardest and some of the best moments of my life.

One of the biggest struggles has been dealing with endometriosis. I’ve basically been going through an intense flare-up (I’ll spare the details) that left me in bed or throwing up for what felt like forever.

For those who don’t know, endometriosis is basically a disease that causes bad cells to grow in your body where they aren’t supposed to, which causes extreme inflammation, pain, and a whole wack of other symptoms. This is a very, very simple (and G-rated) way of explaining a complex disease that there isn’t really a cure for.

The hardest part about it, which takes me everything to admit, is that it can make having a baby really challenging. My husband and I have been trying for a while. We’ve gone to what feels like a million doctor appointments, taken more tests and procedures than I can count (including surgery), and are still on this crazy journey of trying to build our family. Even though it’s probably been the hardest thing I’ve ever faced, I know wholeheartedly we’ll have kids one day.

All that to say - my endo took over my life the past few months and it sucked, but I’m finally coming out of it and am healing.

To add to a really hard month, my cousin, Noah, passed away at age 26 a few weeks ago. His story is one of the craziest and bravest... and it still makes my eyes water.

Noah was born with leukemia and spent the first few years of his life in the hospital. It was so bad that the doctors said he wasn’t going to make it. But through one of the biggest miracles I’ve had the chance to witness, Noah got a bone marrow transplant from an angel donor in Germany. This was one of the first miracles I saw God work his magic in my life. It gave us so many more years, memories, and laughs with Noah and my cousins. Throughout Noah’s life, he faced many more medical challenges but constantly persevered, never complained, and always laughed with us. Over the past year, he fought his final battle with an inoperable brain tumour. The doctors thought he was going to make it until this summer, when he would attend his brother’s wedding, but he heartbreakingly didn’t, and he left us quicker than expected, but surrounded by family full of love and peace.  

When I found out, it honestly took a week for the reality of it to set in, but when it finally did, I spent a few days in bed crying until we ran out of Kleenex and my eyes wouldn’t open. The day before I went back to Canada to attend his celebration of life, I felt this intense need to write out a letter or speech that I wanted to share at his celebration for my cousin and my aunt, and my uncle.

Side note: this blog has strangely helped me process many things in my life, which is why I’m guessing I wanted to speak at his funeral. 

I hate public speaking and avoid it at all costs, so the fear that came with doing this was bar none, and I truly couldn’t have done it without the strength of God and my family. My brother and sister came up to share it with me (Lavon joined on FaceTime), and as hard as it was and as much as words always fall short of the pain, I’m really glad I shared what I wrote. I just wanted people to know how incredible Noah was and how being his cousin was so special. His loss has left me feeling so grateful that I’m incredibly close with my family and that life is flipping hard, but at the same time, such a wonderful gift.

Alright, onto some of the highs over the past while.

After lying in bed for over a month, I knew I had to pull it together soon because my best friend was coming to visit in a few days. We had been planning a trip to Stagecoach (a country festival) for almost a year, and had no clue how I was going to make it there.  I was so close to calling her to cancel, but I knew I needed to see my best friend and that she needed me.

She showed up and helped me pull together. We laughed a lot and we cried a lot (understatement) and we made it to Stagecoach, which ended up being one of the best weekends of my life (so unexpected).

Three days in the desert sun after not moving much felt pretty much impossible, but again, God worked his magic, and I made it. I think music can be so healing and can make you feel seen and understood in the pain and joy of life. And I guess that’s why StageCoach felt so much more than a weekend away.

With the risk of sounding crazy and overly spiritual, I really haven’t felt as close to God as I did that weekend. Dancing and singing at the top of my lungs with my best friends and my husband was exactly what I needed (I also didn't drink at all, which for me is a big deal). I find it hard to explain God’s love, but for me, it’s Him meeting me in all my crap and brokenness and loving me for exactly who I am and where I’m at. Like, I truly believe that - He loves us all despite the mistakes, lies, and darkness that life brings. And in those moments under the stars, it felt like the lyrics from each artist were directly from God Himself to me. And it was everything. Shout out to Jelly Roll and Zach Bryan in case you read this - God continues to change my life through your music.

Since that weekend, I’ve been on the up. I figured out the right meds to help me heal and have been feeling more and more like myself every day. I’m back to working on my business with creativity and excitement, made it back to the gym, am working a part-time job for a friend providing business admin/sales/marketing support, and am back hanging with friends.

It’s been a crazy few months (even for a few of my close friends and my family ), and I’m endlessly thankful to have people by my side through all the highs and lows. It’s a really special thing when you feel comfortable enough to take away the mask and just cry with those you love. And even though it hurts, I know it makes all of my relationships so much stronger, so thank you to all those who listened and told me it would be okay.

To conclude, my favorite Zach Bryan lyrics above sum up life pretty well. And I’m consistently in awe of the truth of that.

If you made it this far, thanks for listening. I’ve always wanted to share all aspects of my life as I build my business, simply because for me, it’s all connected.

Thanks for being here. I couldn’t do it without ya!

Love always,

Madison